The thing about taking a year off from working and traveling to exotic, bucket-list destinations–and then writing about it in a blog for your friends and family–is that it’s a little more difficult to write about the times that aren’t as magical. I certainly don’t want to seem like I have a lack of gratitude for this opportunity, and I’m acutely aware that everyone I know is getting up early, slogging through work days, and scraping off snow-covered cars while I’m bopping around Southeast Asia. No one should feel sorry for me.

But I also can’t be anything other than truthful, so I have to admit that our time in Cambodia was, at times, a real struggle.  In an ideal world, long-term travel teaches you about the world. But more often than not, it just reinforces your own preferences, ticks, and quirks. Like, a deep love for efficient public transit, chain hotels, cooler climates, and avocado toast. And, of course, not every travel day will takes your breath away: in fact, there are many days that land with a thud rather than fly into the air and explode like a firework. Just like in real life, now that I think of it.

So when we landed in Phnom Penh, I wasn’t immediately wowed. This is due to a few factors: first, I could have landed in a Disney-esque fairyland, and it would still be hard to follow after India and Singapore. I loved those two destinations so much that a let-down was bound to come along at some point. Second, our guesthouse wasn’t the greatest. Not terrible, but no Holiday Inn Express, and that does impact our mood. Third, I made the dumb mistake of starting First They Killed My Father on the plane, and while this is an excellent and important book (and movie on Netflix! Thanks, Angelina Jolie), it filled my heart with dread about the country we were about to explore. It honestly made me a little panicky.

Finally, and I just have to come clean (pun intended) on this one: I have a hard time loving chaotic, messy places. One might scratch their heads and wonder why I wanted to travel the world then, and to that I would answer: great question! I asked myself that more than a few time in Cambodia. But of course, the benefits of this year aren’t always immediate. And I’m finding that the places that I initially struggle with end up teaching the greatest lessons, or at the very least, providing the most ridiculous stories. Our time in Fez is a great example of that. Also, I didn’t want to travel the year to be comfortable and have easy fun the whole time. Rather, I wanted to push my boundaries, push my thinking, and have some discomfort. It’s good for me. But the the boundary pushing makes me occasionally grumpy.

Nothing as dramatic as a bed bug infestation happened to us in Phnom Penh and Battambang, although we did get quite a few mosquito bites. Rather, we just had a strange sense of purposelessness there, a feeling that we were just going through the motions, and a heavy dose of travel fatigue. More than once, we looked at each other and said “What are we doing here?” At this point, the end of our international trip is looming large, and while we try to live in the moment and all, the fact is that we have been without a permanent address since June 25, 2018 and we are tired. In Cambodia, we started earnestly looking across the ocean at the United States, full of family and familiar food and a language we are fluent in…and it looked good.

So that’s the mood we went into Phnom Penh with. I’m going to write about our time in Siem Reap in a seperate post, but before we went to Angkor Wat (AKA the main reason people visit Cambodia), we somewhat inexplicably spent six nights in Phnom Penh and Battambang. I honestly don’t remember WHY we decided to do this? Maybe looking at a map it felt convenient? Maybe it seemed cheap? Maybe I read some article somewhere? All are possible.

What I know now is that for me (again, I don’t speak for Ben in this blog! He is a complex person with his own opinions), these are two places that are honestly….not vital if you are planning a trip to Southeast Asia. I wouldn’t go out of my way to visit them. I’ll write a little bit about my impressions of each of these cities below and what we did in each place. A quick note that the terms “Cambodian” and “Khmer” are pretty interchangeable. People in Cambodia speak Khmer, eat Khmer food, and are described as ethnic Khmer.

Phnom Penh

This is the capital, and largest city, of Cambodia. Like everywhere else in the country, it has a deeply, deeply tragic story beginning in 1975 when the Khmer Rouge marched into the city and took it over. The entire population was dispelled into the countryside, where millions died of disease and starvation, while others were brutally murdered by the regime. Many of the tourist “attractions” in Phnom Penh center around the Khmer Rouge, and I can tell you from experience it is extremely disconcerting to land in a new place and immediately have tuk tuk drivers surround you saying “Killing Fields? Killing Fields?”. It turns out the Choueng Ek Genocide Museum, also known as the Killing Fields (and is actually just one of many sites of organized extermination around Cambodia), is located about nine miles outside of Phnom Penh, and represents a healthy commission for tuk tuk drivers. So they really, really want to drive us tourists there, and I don’t blame them. But still: a very strange way to come to a new country.

After declining offers to drive us to the Killing Fields, we took a tuk tuk to our guesthouse. On the way there, it was HOT, the traffic was bad and we breathed in a lot of fumes zooming around in the open.

So when the air conditioner in our room turned out to be anemic at best, it did not help our mood. That, combined with a curtain instead of a door to the bathroom (very common in budget accommodations, we are finding) and a weirdly rude manager, it wasn’t the best place to stay. We managed to dodge the traffic and pick our way down streets with no sidewalks to a nearby burger place, and that’s really all we could muster up the energy for that night. Don’t judge us on the burgers: the last thing we needed or wanted upon landing in a country we knew little about was trying to tackle a new cuisine. Plus, they were really good!

Regarding the sidewalks, and my difficulty with chaotic places: this really grates on me. In Southeast Asia*, it is really common for people to ride scooters. It is even more common for people to park those scooters on the sidewalks, thus making them impassable for pedestrians. As if that isn’t tricky enough, many of the street food vendors set up shop on the sidewalks. So everyone just ends up walking in the street, which is stressful and not conducive to good conversation or clean feet. I really don’t like this, and I think is part of the reason I struggled with Phnom Penh. I wasn’t used to this yet, and it was annoying. I mean, it still is (I’m writing this in Thailand), but now I know the deal.

Another difficulty in Phnom Penh is the heartbreaking history. I’m glad I now know so much more about the Khmer Rouge and the horrific events the Cambodian people went through, but it doesn’t mean it was easy to learn about. In addition to finishing First They Killed My Father, we also went to the Tuol Seng Genocide Museum. This museum is housed in a former prison/torture site of the Khmer Rouge known as S-21, which before that was a high school (a particularly sickening detail for these two teachers). About 17,000 people were tortured here before being taken to the Killing Fields, a small fraction of 1.7 million people that died during the reign of the Khmer Rouge. The introduction to the audio tour said it best:

“When you leave here, you will return to your normal life. But that is not true for the victims of the Khmer Rouge.”

One of the many things that goes through my head when I’m visiting sites like these is how pure, dumb luck and circumstance has shaped my life. The young women staring back at me from haunting pictures in this museum were exactly like me…except for the cruel destiny of birth in an unfortunate time and place. About 24% of Cambodians were killed as a result of the Khmer Rouge, and I think it’s safe to say 100% of the people were deeply and negatively impacted. The closer these events are, the harder this hits me, and since the Khmer Rouge inflicted terror and torture on Cambodians primarily from 1975-1979, it feels very, very close. And very, very evil. The displays and information at this museum are absolutely brutal: there is no sugarcoating or playing down what happened here, and at times I felt nauseous looking at photos and illustrations of what inmates endured. I’ve realized that my brain has to put up a barrier and distance myself a bit, because if I think about something like this getting too close to me or my friends and family, I start shaking and panicking. Then, I can’t learn and respect the victims in the way that I want to, and the way that they deserve.

As a general rule, we don’t take pictures at these sites. First, it feels disrespectful to the victims to be snapping pictures of their pain. Two, I don’t know why I would want pictures of these things. I love taking pictures of beautiful, graceful memorials that honor victims (these were especially prevalent in Budapest), but I don’t need pictures of rusty bed frames where people were chained and tortured. Yes, that was at Tuol Sleng. Plus, I’ll never forget how shocking it was to see two fellow tourists take a kissing selfie in Auschwitz, and how much I wish I had done more than just shake my head at them and hiss “not okay!”. I wish I had really clearly explained to them how inappropriate and offensive that was, and then magicked up a security guard to escort them out.

Anyway, I don’t need pictures to remember Tuol Sleng. Aside from the graphic photos, here are some things that stood out to me:

• Cambodia was harshly bombed, in secret, by the United States from 1969-1973. It was a “brainchild” of Nixon and Kissinger because North Vietnamese soldiers were hiding in the Cambodian jungle. In true Nixon style, this bombing campaign was extremely secretive: at first, Congress didn’t even know about it, much less the American people. It is estimated that tens of thousands of civilians were killed and that over half of the country was bombed, and this certainly led to a chaos vacuum and a resentment against the West that the Khmer Rouge took advantage of. I had no idea any of this happened. As I told my dad and my father-in-law, sometimes this trip feels like like a tour of “Terrible Things Your Country Did That You Didn’t Know About”.
• Most of the cadres who carried out the torture were between 16-19 years old, from rural villages, who were brainwashed by leadership and carefully cultivated in the art of torture. It is devastating to think about those poor young men, who are also victims of this sick, twisted regime.
• Only 7 people survived S-21, mostly by having a useful skill like painting or photography.
• Like the Nazis, the Khmer Rouge kept scrupulous records of their activities. One of the most haunting parts of Tuol Sleng is the hundreds of oddly beautiful portraits of victims that were taken as part of their processing when they first entered the prison (the photographer was one of the survivors). Many of these photos are now on display, and there are walls of men, women, and children staring straight into the camera. Many defiant, many sad, many looking filled with fear. Little girls, babies, grandpas, mothers…it is awful. Awful.
• Much like the aftermath of the Holocaust, relatively few people were ever punished or held responsible for the widespread slaughter. Most former Khmer Rouge cadres fled to Thailand after 1979, and the Khmer Rouge was recognized by the U.N. as part of a Cambodian government-in-exile well into the ‘90s.

Now, as the guide above said, it is time to leave this prison and return to our normal lives, which we are extraordinarily lucky to be able to do.

After visiting Tuol Sleng, we made the conscious decision to not visit any more Khmer Rouge sites. So, we didn’t go to the Killing Fields, or any of the dozens of places around the country. One of the most impactful Ted Talks I have listened to is Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie discuss the danger of the single story (if you have time, this is an amazing speech. I believe it’s also available via podcast). With reading the book, and visiting the prison, I was in danger of creating a single story about Cambodia: one of sadness, despair, torture, genocide, and anger. While the reign of the Khmer Rouge is certainly an important part of Cambodia’s story, it isn’t the whole narrative. We needed to move on from this chapter, and learn about other parts of this culture, this country, and these people. We have the privilege of being able to move on, and I was ready to.

So, the next day, we did just that. Ben and I started the day together with a walk along the Mekong River. The river was impressive, if not particularly lovely, and we knew my dad would have loved that the city is located at the confluence of the Mekong and the Tonle Sap, which is actually not a river but a long, skinny freshwater lake that reverses it flow every year.

There were tons of families out and about, and it was nice to walk along a sidewalk that wasn’t blocked by scooters.

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After lunch at a Western place (that I actually liked, because I can be really basic), Ben decided he didn’t travel all the way to Cambodia to eat avocado toast and headed off to explore a local market with the camera. I had a smoothie, enjoyed the air conditioning for a bit longer, and then reluctantly went off to find some culture of my own.

And I’m so glad I did! I wandered around the Royal Palace! Cambodia still has a royal family, although their role is largely ceremonial. But they sure have a nice palace, with unique Khmer architecture.

My favorite part of the palace was an absolutely immense wall mural of Khmer history full of tiny, intricate details: dragons, monkey kings leading battles, common folk hanging out in huts, and gigantic battles between gods. From the Uffizi gallery to Indian forts to Khmer palaces, I love any piece of art with tiny details, and this did not disappoint.

After a triumphant day in Phnom Penh, we decided there wasn’t much in the city for us anymore. Although we were originally going to stay for five nights, we decided to leave early and headed to another Cambodian town, Battambang.

Battambang

But first, we had to get there. We took an absolutely miserable shuttle bus with the company Mekong Express. The internet said that that this bus company was great. THE INTERNET WAS WRONG. I have no idea how the driver managed to drive like a maniac (seriously, I couldn’t even look out the window) and manage to deliver us to our destination almost an hour late, but that happened. I was so glad to escape from that van!

However, Battambang was immediately more charming than Phnom Penh. It’s a smaller city, and the tuk tuk drivers who swarmed the van just wanted to drive us to hotels, not killing fields. Already an improvement! We puttered off to our guesthouse, which was much nicer than the previous one, with a pool, a powerful air-conditioner, an in-house restaurant, and crackingly fast WiFi. All for about $40 a night**. Score!

In Battambang, we did organized fun (my favorite kind). I’m realizing in Southeast Asia, I’m not getting as much from just wandering around. I’ve already complained about the sidewalks, the heat is a factor, and the attraction and aesthetics aren’t as in your face as the places in Europe. So seeking out guided tours, classes, and special events is really important. We did this in Battambang, and had a much better time than in Phnom Penh.

First, we took a cooking class. The best part of this cooking class actually wasn’t the food we made (Khmer cuisine is…just okay. I think there is a reason it hasn’t captivated the world like Vietnamese food or Thai food. The reason is that it isn’t as good.), but rather the market we shopped for ingredients in. This market was AN EXPERIENCE. I loved it. We went with a hysterical man who delighted in our reactions and informed us dramatically about all of the…unusual ingredients available while also pointing out that Cambodians don’t own refrigerators because they cook all of their food fresh, and that their diet is far more varied and healthy than ours. Right, right, and right on all counts!

The market was similar to the ones we visited in Morocco and India, with women claiming small bits of a street and laying out their wares on the ground, arranged on a cloth. It was extremely crowded with locals (we didn’t see any tourists, which was cool!), and it was important to watch your step because one wrong move, and you could end up with your foot in a plastic bin of live fish, or scorpion, or cockroaches. We also saw rats for sale, snake, all types of insects, and even some dog meat. We bought fresh coconut milk, herbs, rice paper for spring rolls, and took a ton of pictures.

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While my Western brain of course prefers supermarkets, it is undeniable that this is a fresher, cheaper, more local, and more sustainable way to prepare food, and I hope this tradition continues in Cambodia.

Once we were back at the class, we donned pink chefs hats and got to work. We made spring rolls (so good!!! Especially the sauce we made from scratch), fish amok that was baked in a banana leaf (it’s more fun to create the banana leaf bowl than to eat the fish amok, to be honest), beef lok lak, and a tapioca dessert. This class was great fun, and let us see a different side of Cambodia: a joyful, vibrant side.

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The next day, we took a bicycle tour of the countryside and some villages. I will be honest: unless my beloved Intrepid guide from India, Anjali, is leading it, I don’t love village tours. It’s awkward, it’s hot, the language barrier is huge, there were a ton of mosquitos and other biting insects, and it just feels funny to gawk at people living their lives in an organized way. I’d rather gawk out the window or peek at people out of the corner of my eye, thank you very much. But I absolutely loved being back on a bike, and peddling around the countryside and seeing fields, trees, and the occasional gigantic temple complex was lovely. Even lovelier was returning to our air-conditioned room after almost keeling over from heat by the end of the tour.

Our last event in Battambang was a show at the training school for a Cambodian circus. Phare actually performs in Siem Reap, but the school is in Battambang, and we had such a delightful evening watching these young performers. The circus included some traditional dancing, music played by kids, and some truly impressive Cirque de Soleil style performances. I had to cover my face SEVERAL times, there were flaming things juggled, and just a lot of joy and fun from these extremely talented people. I remember how hard it was to bounce up and down on a trampoline in Singapore or hold up my own body weight for one second on the monkey bars, yet these people are doing quadruple backflips from unicycles, so mad respect there.

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At our final lunch before hopping the bus to Siem Reap, we had a  great time with some fellow Americans. We may be terrible at making connections with locals, but we are doing GREAT at bonding with people from back home. We struck up a conversation with these delightful architects from Montana after they heard our unmistakable accents, and we ended up eating together. They were in Battambang to help build a university, and it was so great to meet people from our corner of the world and compare notes.

I know I said at the beginning of this post that Phnom Penh aren’t must-visits, but we did enjoy our time in in Battambang, and I am thankful I learned about the Khmer Rouge in Phnom Penh. So much of our experiences in each place have nothing to do with the place itself, and so much to do with our mood, luck, and circumstances while we are there. So considering it was following Singapore and we were hit with a heavy case of the homesick blues and travel fatigure, Phnom Penh and Battambang did pretty well!

*By Southeast Asia, I mean Cambodia, Vietnam, and Thailand. In Singapore, I can’t even fathom people blocking sidewalks with scooters *clutches pearls*!

**This is actually kind of expensive for Cambodia, but I did not care. I wanted a bathroom with a door, by god!